Hi. It’s been a while. Five months, in fact.
My silence doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about Sometimes Speaking, missing it, and wondering how I can do it justice. I’ve just been in a deficit of mental energy and passion for what to write.
When I started this newsletter, I didn’t have the ad agency job I ended up getting, so needed an outlet to get all my pop culture musings out. That job consumed all my energy. I’ll be starting a new chapter soon. And with it, I’d like back in on this channel of communication with you. And back in on the more personal, vulnerable writing that I’ve reserved for paid subscribers (though payments have also been put on hold indefinitely, until I can guarantee consistency).
So anyway, the other day, I took myself to a bar and decided to freewrite horrible ideas for bars. As part of my creative process as a copywriter, I love working from shit ideas as a brainstorm tactic, inviting my art director partner to contribute the absolute “worst” concepts they can think of, so that we start from a sense of freedom, play, and uncensored-ness.
I actually had so much fun writing these, that I wanted to share a few with you. And to also encourage you to just do something nice for yourself. Something healing. Something only you know you need.
The crispy, above-expectations beer battered fish tacos I fully enjoyed while writing.
Horrible ideas for bars
no one can talk bar
bar of appropriation (staff wear uniforms that appropriate cultural garb around the globe, willy-nilly; menu items include misspellings and convenient mistranslations of iconic cultural dishes)
bar where fire department trainees also train for their jobs around the clock
bar where toddler soccer prodigies get to run around with hammers
bar where atheists are paired up with nuns for arm wrestling
bar where you must wear short shorts (length as dangerously close to butt curve as possible)
bar where nursing mothers must only nurse other mothers’ babies
bar where bartenders are blind and grouchy
bar where the bartenders won’t stop making bad jokes themed only around fairytales, and that’s what every single conversation ends up driving toward
a bar where everyone refuses to acknowledge your existence
a bar that only plays the most unnecessary remixes
a bar that, nightly, hosts a Worst Behaved Kids competition
bar where you can’t order until you catch enough dollar bills that are dumped from the ceiling on an irregular schedule
bar where you can only enter if you’re wearing two day-old socks
they only play sequels on the projectors
the bathroom is on the fifth floor only
strangers vote on whether you should be dunked into a vat of lard upon entry
bar lit by only strobe lights
Oh, and guess what? I’m about to go on a several-day-long silent meditation retreat. No talking or communication with the outside world. I cannot wait.
Thank you for reading. If I know you, I miss you, and hope we can hang out soon.